It's only about 60 days left until the national exams. And what have I done so far to prepare myself?

1. Ikut BTA
Selain BTA membantu saya supaya bisa masuk PTN (amin Ya Allah), BTA juga ngebantu saya dalam mengulang kembali bahan-bahan SMA yang udah banyak banget saya lupain. Karena diingetin kembali sama BTA dan ngerjain soal-soal latihannya, saya jadi lumayan inget lagi dan bisa lagi. Tanpa BTA, saya pasti akan lambat banget ngertiin ulang semua bahan pelajaran yang ada untuk TO-TO di sekolah. Untuuung aja BTA.

2. Beli buku UN
Di Gramed kan suka banyak tuh, buku-buku latihan UN. Saya udah beli, kayak banyak gitu sih walaupun belum sempet-sempet amat saya sentuh saking penuhnya jadwal saya karena sekolah. Tapi ya lumayanlah, ada juga yang udah saya coba-cobain dan itu cukup membantu untuk, lagi-lagi, ngulang lagi semua bahan pelajaran.

3. Set target
Menurut saya ini lumayan penting, karena target itu bisa memotivasi kita dalam mendapatkan sesuatu, bukan? Nah, makanya saya udah netapin target untuk UN, dan targetnya lumayan tinggi sih. Saya sih gak suka banget kalo hasil yang saya dapat melenceng jauh dari target, makanya saya harus bisa nih ngedapetin target ini, bahkan lebih kalo bisa. Saya cukup yakin kalo saya bisa dan punya potensinya, cuma masalah saya aja mau usaha atau nggak. Yah, semoga aja saya dikasih tenaga ekstra deh untuk bisa nyicil buat UN (dan SBMPTN) juga, karena demi apapun sekarang aja nyawa saya kayak habis diserap Dementor.

4. Set motivasi
Motivasi juga fungsinya adalah untuk mendorong kita supaya tetap semangat dalam melakukan sesuatu, yang dalam kasus ini adalah... dapet UN dengan nilai superduper bagus, supaya bisa masuk ITB jalur undangan. Aduh ini ngarep banget sih sebenernya, tapi pengen banget deh dapet undangan ITB aja. Nah, tapi UN saya harus bagus bangetnget kali baru bisa keterima undangan. Kenapa saya sendiri pengen banget masuk ITB, itu juga ada motivasinya sendiri. Banyak, bahkan, tapi saya sungkan aja kalo dibuka semuanya disini. Yang jelas salah satunya adalah sepupu-sepupu jauh saya banyak banget yang masuk PTN, bahkan hampir semuanya. Saya gak mau kalah juga dong dari mereka.

Ya, jujur baru itu aja yang saya lakuin buat siap-siap UN. Kurang banget? Jelaslah. Haduh makanya nih, takut. Takut banget sejujurnya. Semoga saya dikasih ketabahan, ketekunan, kesabaran, kekuatan, semangat, dan penghiburan deh dari Tuhan supaya saya sanggup melakukan lebih dari apa yang sedang saya lakukan saat ini. Amiiiin.

Never Ending - Rihanna

Okay, so I'm busy and tired and mostly angry, same old, same old. But in this post, as I promised before I am going to tell more about my dream university. When I see its building, its large, green area, and their basketball courts I feel like crying because I really really really want to go there for college, but I don't know if I can make it with all the competition and high standards. If I don't get in, I don't know what will be of me. It's my whole dream, and when you see your dream crushed, well...

So here goes. My dream university is called Bandung Institute of Technology. It is one of the top universities in Indonesia, since a lot of the people from the country wants to get in there too. The competition is just crazy, I don't think I can compete. But I just have to get in. I have to. I can't even explain why or how I'm going to give everything I have for me to go there. I'm just willing to do everything and anything. I have my reasons, and if I fail.... Please do pray for me so I can get in. Whoever does, I thank you so much because this means a lot to me.

Okay, so I'm going to tell a bit about ITB and what I've prepped so far to get in.

Institut Teknologi Bandung is, of course, located in Bandung, in Jalan Ganesha no. 10. It is one of the best public universities in Indonesia, and from year to year is the university with the highest competition to get into. It currently has 2 campuses, one in Jalan Ganesha, and one in Jatinangor, Bandung. They're currently planning to build 2 more campuses. It is also the oldest engineering university in Indonesia, which was built on July 3rd, 1920, under the colonization of Dutch. The republic's first president, who also had a major role in Indonesia's independence, Soekarno, was an alumnus. The third president, BJ Habibie, is also an alumnus of ITB. There are many notable ITB alumnus, including Aburizal Bakrie, Akbar Tandjung, Hatta Rajasa, Betti Alisjahbana, AA Gym, and Karen Agustiawan. From year to year, it is the university with the highest selectivity in Indonesia, with selectivity rate almost equivalent to Harvard and Stanford, higher than Yale, Princeton, and MIT. It currently has 2 campuses, one in Jalan Ganesha, and one in Jatinangor. ITB now has 9 colleges, and is planning to build 2 more campuses.

As for what I've prepped, I've attended extra courses that will help me in SBMPTN, I studied as much as I could so that my grades would increase and be stable for 5 semesters, I've been participating in public tryouts, I've bought exercise books. I don't know if it will be enough, though. Now I wake up at 5.45 am every single day for more than 6 months now, so I can attend the extra courses on Sundays.

So yeah, I'm kind of short on time right now, so that is all for now.

Here are some pictures of ITB, with its great aestethics that I like sooo much.

Alive - Sia

As you know, right here in Jakarta there was a bombing just yesterday, and the location was very close to my school. So I was kinda worried yesterday, but not anymore now. Besides, that's not what I want to talk about right now. If you want to know how it happened and so on, you can google it.

Right now I'm feeling quite sad, and I don't even know why. And I'm easily pissed today. I think it has something to do with the fact that I've been sleeping for just 4-5 hours a day, with all the crazy routines I have to do. I'm not usually this weak, but maybe it's because I'm still in the holiday mode, you know? So yeah, hopefully this holiday mode will last sooner rather than later.

I've been missing my friends so much. I actually just met them last Sunday, but it just didn't do me justice because I didn't really talk much to them. I might meet them again next Monday, but that depends on my ability to study really hard this weekend. I have so much shit to do I'm confused which one should I do first. And when I'm too tired, it's just hard for me to focus on my work. So these 3 days are going to be a challenge, and I'm bound to no rest at all. Wishing myself the best.

Last night while I was falling asleep, I can actually feel my body being grateful to the touch of my sheets, my covers, the softness of the pillow. I've had worse times before, but this was the first time I can practically hear my body surrender to the rest I'd been needing. Wow that was weird. I need a lot lot lot of energy to be able to get through February, at least, because my agenda is so full until next month. Just thinking about it actually makes me choke a bit. So I don't know anymore. Why is it so hard for me to survive right now? And I feel like these days, time goes so slow for me, so I have to, like, bear these exhaustions even longer now. Does that make sense?

Yeah, sorry for the stress rant. Anyway, I am dying to listen to The Sound by The 1975! I'm using school computer right now, which doesn't have any speakers (SIGH) so I can't listen to it at the moment. I've seen a lot of positive comments about the song, and I really can't wait to hear it myself!

Cologne - Selena Gomez

Yes, hello! I am back now to do some more blogging. I kinda miss this, but in these past few months I just don't have much energy and time to actually blog and tell. So yeah, since my teacher is assigning us to start blogging again, here I am. Oh, and happy new year people! I'm wishing all the best things for all of us this year. :-)

Okay so I know all this time I've been blogging in English, but I realize that my English skills aren't that good, so it doesn't really allow me to express what I'm thinking or feeling. I just decided that blogging i English will be challenging for me. But maybe just this time, I want to write some stuff in Indonesian, so I can really let out what I'm feeling. This blog is one place where, I think, no one can really judge me and who I really am, especially with the minimal identity information I provide here. Hopefully I'm not wrong.

So last semester, which is my fifth semester in high school, I did not expect my rank in class to be that low. I know where my downfall is, which is in my German class. I felt like I really tried my best and hardest to achieve better grades, since untuk dapet undangan, gue harus menstabilkan nilai gue dari semester 1 sampe 5, yang dimana menurut gue itu masih gojak-gajik banget. Jadi ya gitudeh, gue udah berusaha. Tapi tetep ternyata nilainya gak sememuaskan itu, walaupun masih dalam bilangan cukup stabil sih. Ya intinya sih, gue kecewa aja hasil kerja keras gue ternyata cuman segitu. Tapi yaudalah, it's not like I'm very angry about it or anything. Just a tiny bit upset. I'm not that upset anymore anyways.

But now I'm back to the upset point again. Really upset. So I mentioned once here that gue ikut BTA. Buat yang gatau BTA itu apa, BTA itu bimbel yang membantu murid-murid yang pengen masuk PTN, which is banyak banget banget BANGET. Persaingannya super ketat bro. Nevertheless, I actually enjoy being there. Ya pokoknya, sistem di BTA ini adalah every once in a while mereka ngadain tryouts gitu, supaya kita-kita ada gambaran bakalan gimana sih tes buat masuk PTN (SBMPTN, SIMAK UI, you name it). Selain itu, tujuan TO-TO ini adalah, tentunya, supaya kita juga belajar. Jadi sejauh ini, we've done 4 tryouts. 3 for SBMPTN, and 1 for SIMAK UI. Dan setiap TO, semua anak-anak yang ikut TO ini (berkisar sekitar 700-800++ murid) dibikin peringkatnya berdasarkan nilai kita. Dan peringkat itu menentukan posisi kita di kelas mana di BTA. Jadi untuk IPA, ada kelas A, B, C, D, E, F, dan seterusnya, gue juga kurang paham sampe abjad apa sih kelas-kelasnya. Nah, dari A, B, C, itu diurutin isi kelasnya. Kalo kelas A, itu 30 anak yang paling pinter gitudeh ceritanya (nyatanya sih, gak juga deh, trust me). Di B, itu isinya 30 anak terpintar selanjutnya, and so on sampe kelas terendah. Pas awal masuk, kita ada placement test which determines which class we will be in. And then on the 2nd semester, we will be placed again in new classes. Same thing goes for after our national exams. For the 2nd semester and post-national exams class, our tryouts rankings-lah yang determine our place. Jadi mau gak mau, kita dipaksa untuk kompetitif juga supaya gak turun kelas. Dan itulah yang terjadi sama gue.

Gue ternyata diterima di kelas A. Padahal gue sama sekali gak pinter dibanding anak-anak yang lain yang ada di kelas itu. Bodoh iya. Gue aja heran bisa masuk A. Singkat cerita, di TO pertama, peringkat gue lumayan lah. 47 dari 806 murid, kalo gak salah. TO kedua mulai autis. Peringkat 115 dari 810-an deh kayaknya. Padahal untuk TO kedua ini gue lumayan belajar, dan TO pertama gue sama sekali gak belajar. TO ketiga ini adalah TO SIMAK, dan merupakan TO terakhir untuk semester 1, yang akan nentuin gue nantinya di kelas mana. Gue sih udah tau, pastilah gue turun kelas. Yha tapi tentu gue gak pengen turun kelas jauh-jauh, cukup turun 1 kelas aja deh. Gue sih merasa TO SIMAK ini gue lumayan bisa, tapi gue gak berani berharap banyak. Pas keluar hasilnya, ternyata hasil gue lumayan dibanding hasil secara umum, tapi anak-anak di kelas gue, where the real competition is, hasil nilainya salah-salah gitu, gak sesuai sama apa yang mereka jawab. Katanya sih ada salah scan, tapi punya gue dan beberapa anak diluar kelas ada yang udah bener gitu hasilnya. Tapi sampe sekarang pun masih belom dibenerin juga itu nilai yang salah. Alhasil, peringkat belum ada sama sekali. Akhirnya, kata binglas gue (semacem wali kelas gitu kalo di sekolah) bilang bahwa jadinya peringkat yang dipake buat kelas semester 2 cuma TO pertama dan kedua. Yaelah, gue pikir, agak ngeselin sih ya. Gue kira gue masih ada kesempetan, ternyata nggak. Ya tapi yaudalah, gue udah pasrah banget bakal turun ke kelas C or worse.

Hari pertama semester 2 di BTA, kita TO SBMPTN ke-3, masih di kelas yang sama saat semester 1. Untuk TO ini sih gue gak belajar-belajar amat karena lagi liburan, dan jujur aja gue cape banget semester kemaren. Sampe lelah hati juga istilah kata. Pokoknya lebih niat belajar TO SIMAK waktu itu. Tapi lumayan ada effort belajarnya gitu deh. Pas ngerjainnya, gue merasa lumayan bisa, walaupun tetep susah juga sih. Nah, terus tadi siang, hasilnya baru keluar. Pas gue cek, ya Allah parah banget deh yaampun sampe pengen nangis juga gitu liatnya. Rank gue adalah 150-an dari 700 sekian. Itu parah banget sih. Gue sampe yaampuuunn apalagi sih yang mesti gue lakukan???? Temen-temen lain yang bilang mereka gak belajar, dan ada beberapa yang gue yakin mereka emang gak belajar, tapi dapet nilai yang jauh jauh jauh jauh jauhhhhh lebih bagus dari gue. Dan pastinya rank mereka juga pada jauh di atas gue. To be very honest, gue emang cukup kompetitif kalo masalah ginian. Jujur, dari TK gue udah kebiasa untuk be the best in everything I do. If not the best, then at least do really really well. Gue gak suka banget kalo gue lemah dalam suatu hal yang gue tekuni. Gue kecewanya pake banget. Sedih. Marah. Sama diri gue sendiri. Sampe aduh, hopeless banget kayaknya gaakan tembus PTN deh, apalagi yang persaingan masuknya wow bangetngetnget yang pengen gue masukin. Jalur undangan kayaknya gak dapet, jalur SBMPTN kalo gini terus caranya juga gaakan bisa deh lama-lama. Kenapa gue udah berusaha (walaupun gue akuin, usahanya gak maksimal) sedikit gitu, gak ada hasilnya? Malah nurun jauh banget. Tau sih gue emang gak banyak usaha, but I did put a little effort in it. A little nice result would be okay for me. Gue selalu percaya dengan prinsip bahwa kita akan menuai apa yang kita taburkan. Lama-lama kayaknya gue bisa melepas prinsip ini deh. Gue bingung apa gue emang makin tua makin bodoh apa gimana yaa. Gue harus ngapain lagi? Ini aja gue udah cukup lelah fisik dan emosi. Sumpah gue takut banget nanti gak keterima di PTN yang gue impikan. Ya makanya ini sekarang super sedih baper capek galau takut cemas kecewa marah deh. Bete. Cuman bisa meratap dan berdoa aja deh sekarang.

So, that is all my upset-ness (is that even a word?? geez) about my brain capability, my dumbness, my academics life. I promise the next few posts won't be as gloomy as this one. I definitely will tell about my short trip to Singapore last December. I will also blog about the university I want, and the reasons why I want to continue my study there, desperately so.

I'm done for now.

Georgia - Vance Joy

School has only started for real yesterday, but here I am feeling all weighed down by the tasks and tests I have to accomplish. But my current focus is to finish my paper, which is about the maximum and minimum theory in derivatives (see here), and I barely have any idea of what I'm doing. Hopefully my paper will be done by next week, and I can turn in my best effort.

Lately I've been missing spending time with my family. I might go away for university next year if I do get the opportunity, so I won't be seeing them much. So I really want to spend more time with them before I go, but that is just impossible, regarding to so many things I need to do, I don't have much free time. I kinda miss my childhood, where all we do is just laugh and play and enjoy life with the ones we actually care about; nothing to think about. No pressure. I miss too much things from the past, really.

I am also dying to get my hands on basketball. I actually can go to a nearby basketball club every Saturday, but I don't have that much chance to do so. Birthday celebrations are usually my most common obstacle. I am not complaining though, since birthday celebrations means I can meet my friends from middle school, and I care about them so much more than any other friends, and I miss them constantly.

Because I've been dying to get a vacation and just travel, I am posting some pictures from my previous holiday, where I went to Belitung for about 5 days with my family. Ah, those were good times. I wish I could replay those 5 days all over again, and just appreciate it.

Seaside - The Kooks

Hi! So this week has been a blast so far (I know, it's only Tuesday, but) yesterday and today I don't go to school so hooray for that! I get enough sleep, and I'm being quite productive and I'm still socially active too. In fact, I'm having lunch today with my best friends and then we're going to throw her a birthday surprise with all of our friends. It was kind of hard to organise it on such short notice and involving lots of people (like almost 40 people) but I think I nailed it. Let's just hope it won't blast off later.

Anyways, as I said, I've been having very relaxing days these past 2 days. I've just finished reading Something Blue by Emily Giffin. I thought the book was annoying since the main character is super annoying and I hated her from the first book, but it turned out to be a great story after all. I'm totally recommending you to read it. Oh, and reading it actually makes me want to have kids. I know, right? I'm only 17 and all, but I've known it for my whole life that I'd love to have kids someday. I love babies, and I can't wait to get that kind of emotion of being a mother. Like being pregnant, and then giving birth to them, and watching them grow up. You might think I'm weird for saying this, right?

These past 2 or 3 days I've also been on tumblr a lot, like I used to when I was in middle school. I don't have much time for tumblr ever since high school, so it kind of feels good (check it out here!). I also sleep well and woke up at 9am and eat whatever I want, and I really feel content with this kind of routine. Sadly, I had to go back to school tomorrow, and starting Thursday I will be back with having tests every single day (loud sigh). So I'm totally going to make the best of today and enjoy it as much as I can, because I don't know if I'll ever get days like these ever again. Not until I'm done with the national exams.

Is It Okay If I Call You Mine - Paul McCrane

So I'm just gonna write a lot of things in a short paragraph, since I want to share so much and yet I'm too lazy to get into the details. Please forgive my weird behavior in blogging.

1. So last Sunday I did a test which determines your talent, potentials, and interests, and combine all of them to suggest what you should take as your college major. It was held by BTA in collaboration with University of Indonesia's Faculty of Psychology, which was located in Depok, a little bit outside of Jakarta. My friends and I took the commuter train to and fro there. I'm hoping the results will be satisfying and actually helps me to choose my major. But all in all it was a quite fun experience, though the process was very tiring, and requires a lot of concentration. Here is the room where we took the test.

2. As you know, earlier last week I was on a relaxing trip with my school, to find ourselves in God. But it was a terrible trip. The place was actually beautiful, but sadly it wasn't taken care of so it was really dirty and uncomfortable. The food was meh. But the worst of all was the guides of the trip. I can't even start because it tires me to do so, really. They were THAT bad. If it wasn't with the friends I was with, I bet I wouldn't have enjoyed it at all. Though I do have something from the trip, but it didn't imprint much on me. I realize now that every now and then, I need to have some quality time with myself. Just talk with yourself in a calm state, discuss matters you think about, things like that. This is a pendopo in which some of the sessions were held.

3. I am totally excited for The 1975's new album! They recently dropped their new single, Love Me, which is awesome! I really like their vibe and everything. I can't wait for the release of their new album. I'm also excited for Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber's album as well, since both of them have developed their music.

4. This and next week will be a very 'loose' week, since I only have like one examination and, like, 4 days off school, so yay! Though so, there are still a lot of work to do for assignments, which kinda stresses me out.

I guess this is all for now!

Hello! So I haven't been posting much lately because earlier this week I went for a retreat, which is like a relaxing trip to find ourselves in God, basically. Almost every school do this, and I've been to two, so it's not a surprise to me at all. I actually find it rather boring and, to be honest, under my expectations. But oh well. I do find one valuable thing that I will talk about more on the next post (promise!).

I just got back from school. Today was actually quite fun. So my school had this event where students that are 17 years and older may donate their blood to PMI. I've been interested to do this since I was a kid, and I finally did! Some of my friends fainted after their blood was taken, or had headaches. I did not, though, which means I'm probably very healthy, or at least for now. It was an eye-opening thing to do, knowing that what you gave may mean a lot to someone else that needs it, while we don't even realize that it is an immense help. I also heard that donating blood may better your blood circulation, and throws away the old or dirty blood in your body.

Anyways, this week some of my mid-term exams results are announced already. I haven't gotten below 90 so far, which is good, but I think that I could do better, especially on physics. I almost always get the highest score in class on physics (not to brag, but) while I didn't this time. I'm kind of disappointed with myself, but all I can do now is just try more so I'll do better.

I guess that's all for now then! Hopefully I'll post again soon, if I have the time.

WILD - Troye Sivan

Yes, now I can finally breathe a little. I'm done with my mid-term exams, so at least I won't be having much tests until next week. Right now I'm having a terrible headache though, and I think it's the lack of sleep causing this. Yet I still have some school work to do for tomorrow.

I'm starting to watch Gossip Girl again now, since I need something to excite me a bit. I know this is totally out of topic but Blake Lively is literally. The. Most. Perfect. Person. Ever. And I just love her as Serena, since she's totally fitting. Seeing her makes me wanna have long hair again.

I am actually growing out my hair, and I wont be cutting it 'till at least December. Though I'm kind of thinking of having some kind of agreement with myself. I will only cut my hair when I am done with my national examinations. AND THEN I will bleach and color my hair if I pass SBMPTN. The thing is, I really really want to pass SBMPTN, and I really want to dye my hair too, so it's like a winning sign sort of thing. I've actually been thinking of what color I would want, and the length of my hair, etc etc. So my idea is I'd like to keep my hair above my pits, but below my shoulder, because it seems that I look best with this length, and it's much easier to manage. I'm still confused about the color, though.

So that is it for now! Hopefully this headache would be gone by tomorrow.
​
Finale - Madeon

Yeah. I wanna sleep for like 6 months and just be done with 12th grade. I'm not too tired or too stressed or anything, nothing like that. It's just that I'd like to fast forward to April, where things that matter to me actually happens. Exciting things. Important things. So I really hope time would pass me by.

Anyways, this week has been a calm week, although after school I had to attend my courses almost everyday. Next week is my mid-term examination, so I'm just getting warmed up for it. Hopefully I still have enough strength and spirit to conquer them. But on Tuesday, we went to the biology lab and did a catalase enzyme practice, so we used juiced chicken liver, chicken heart, red grapes, and beans and react them with hydrogen peroxyde. When I mixed the heart with hydrogen peroxyde, because I had little idea of what could happen, I did it quite incorrectly, and boom! Some of the juiced chicken liver literally exploded to my clothes and some of my books. They smelled real gross, I'm telling you. So yeah, it was the most barbaric I've ever been in a lab, and I must say it was quite bizarre, but fun, too.

So that's all for now, maybe I'll post more tomorrow about more of my friends, or something like that. Back to work, now.

On My Mind - Ellie Goulding
(yes, I know this is so Top-40, but still)